The Nature of Nurture
by Aggie Escott
Summary: Reid and Hotch find a special bond in a crisis. Actually, crisis is the wrong word! very hurtcomfort. no slash! BTW I have deleted 1st attempt at Ch14. Didn't like it. look out for rewritten one!R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

The Nature of Nurture

Chapter 1 

The team sat round the table as Jennifer Jareau handed out another set of crime scene photos

"The local PD called us in when the third murders were discovered. George and Ellen Marcus. As you can see from these pictures, the MO is the same."

"When were they discovered?" Aaron Hotchner looked up from the picture in his hand.

"Two hours ago. They had been dead for 6 hours, so the murder took place at about 3 this morning."

Spencer Reid did not look up. "How does that compare with the first two?"

"Philip and Catherine Harling were killed seven days ago. Exactly one week ago. John and Sonia Ashley a week before that. Same day, the same time of day."

Hotch stood up. "We leave in 15 minutes. We can talk on the jet. Let's not waste any time."

* * *

The jet was comfortable and warm, but as usual, none of the occupants felt either. The pictures they had spread out on the table between them induced anything but.

"In all three cases the woman was killed about an hour before her husband. He was made to watch from a chair, tied with zip ties." JJ was looking away from the pictures. She'd seen enough of them. "She was strangled and raped; he died of blunt force trauma to the head."

Reid looked puzzled. "Strangled and raped? Not raped and strangled?"

"The local PD thinks that in both cases, she was strangled into unconsciousness first." "That could be a signature." said Derek Morgan.

"Lets see the crime scene first before we make any snap judgments," warned Hotch.

"But it's certainly unusual." commented Emily Prentiss, "I've not come across that before."

"Then the husband is tied to his dead wife," continued JJ. "Raped and killed lying next to her."

Reid was studying the pictures carefully "That shows a sadistic tendency."

"Reid, I want you to look at the victimology. There has to be more connecting them than the fact that they were married. Emily, see if there are any other crimes with similar MO's. Garcia will help you on that.JJ, make contact with the PD and find a place to set up, and then work with Emily. Morgan, you and I will go to the crime scene while it is still fresh."

"I'll come to the scene with you to take a look at how they lived. It'll give me a good start in the victimology." Reid put down the photo he was holding and looked across at Hotch. Hotch inclined his head slightly. He never wasted words.

"Local PD has kept the scene clear for us." JJ said.

"OK," Hotch stood up and moved to the back of the plane, "Let's get some rest before we arrive. We'll be there in about 45 minutes." Hotch sat down and closed his eyes.

Reid took a small palm-top out of his satchel and began another game of chess. After 2 minutes he snapped it shut in frustration.

"You lose again?" grinned Emily.

"No. I won again." Reid put the computer away and took out a book. Emily tilted her head so that she could read the title.

"'Advanced Computer Chess.' Oh I see!" She stood up and went to sit with JJ. She hated this time, waiting to get to a scene. She was not one for idle chitchat, but at least JJ would be company.

* * *

Hotch, Morgan and Reid looked around the bedroom. The two bodies had been moved, but everything else was as the killer left it.

There was very little blood, except where the husband had had his skull smashed.

"This is interesting," Reid said as he picked up a pamphlet from the side table.

Hotch walked across and stood behind him. Reid glanced up at him and showed him what he had found. "Marriage counseling." He handed the pamphlet to Hotch.

Hotch flicked through the pages until he came to a circled phone number. He handed it back to Reid.

"Check the first two crime scenes." Reid took out his mobile and left the bedroom. Hotch turned to Morgan. "Anything?"

"I think there was more than one Unsub." He looked around the room. "One person working alone could have done this, but this chair," he pointed to a chair that was placed beside the one that the husband was tied to, "is from another room."

"It was brought in here for someone else to sit on, and watch."

"Yeah. This sicko brought an audience with him."

"See if it was the same at the Harling and Ashley homes."

Reid had come back into the room. "The Harlings and Ashleys were having marriage problems too. They attended the same therapy unit." Reid put his phone away.

"Reid, you and Morgan pay them a visit. We'll meet back at the PD. We're done here."

Reid and Morgan left together, Morgan on his mobile.

Hotch looked round the room again, sighed, turned and left, closing the door gently behind him, as if to shut the images out of his mind.

* * *

"I'm sorry, but we can't reveal the names of our clients. It's…"

Morgan didn't give her time to finish. "Your dead clients!" he shouted over her, getting startled looks from the couple in the waiting area. Reid discreetly moved in front of him. "Er. Is there somewhere private we could...um...talk to you?"

Morgan shot him a look, but said nothing.

The woman smiled at Reid, and ignored Morgan. "Yes of course. Through here."

She led them through to a small office with a tiny window, a desk with a computer terminal, and a chair either side of the desk. She went behind the desk and booted up the computer. Morgan sat down on the other chair. Reid stood by the door.

She looked straight at Reid. "Did he say dead?"

"The Ashleys were killed two weeks ago, the Marcus's last Monday night, and the Harlings last night. We need to check to see if any of these couples were coming here for counseling."

"I don't know if I should give you this information," Morgan leaned forward, trying to intimidate her. She ignored him, continued speaking directly to Reid. "But under the circumstances,"

She reached across to the printer and retrieved a print-out, and handed it to Reid. He glanced at it and handed it to Morgan. Reid could see he was getting annoyed.

"Please could we have a list of any assistants who work here on the days that these couples came here, particularly those who attended the sessions."

"The sessions are private, actually, no-one sits ion on them." She scrolled through the list on her screen. "Oh! Just a minute, there was a gentleman who sits in on all the Monday sessions. He's a student, studying sociology." She pulled a sheet of paper towards her, and wrote on it. "Benton Cross. A very personable man. I remember his voice, so quiet and gentle."

Reid let Morgan take the paper off her.

"Thank you for your co-operation, Miss...er."

"Julie" she smiled.

"Julie…yes, thank you."

Reid turned and left the room, Morgan followed, but only after shooting an angry glance at Julie.

"Stupid woman." Morgan muttered as soon as they were out of earshot.

Reid considered whether or not to get into an argument with Morgan over it, and decided not to. Logic would never win an argument with anger.

* * *

"Come hither, Sweet Prince. How may I honor thee?"

Morgan switched his phone to speaker. "I have a name for you. Find all you can. Benton Cross, mature student of sociology."

"You need wait no longer, Princey.

"Benton Cross, aged 32, lost his mother when he was 7 in suspicious circumstances. Father by all accounts brutalized his son for three years, when social services took him into care.

"And...there's a brother. Identical twin called Wesley. Brain damaged at birth, suffers with cerebral palsy and has a mental age of 12.

"Both been in juvey for peeping and later detained for attempted rape. Benton did 6 years and Wesley 3. Father died of alcohol poisoning 3 years ago."

"Can you see what kind of marriage his parents had?"

"Seemed Ok at first. Started to go wrong after the twins were born. She was admitted to hospital twice for injuries sustained….wait for it….walking into a door. Right, so you can fracture your skull by walking into a door!"

"Were charges ever brought?" Emily asked.

"No. She stuck to her rather stupid story. What's wrong with these women?" Garcia shook her head in wonderment.

"And he's a student?"

"Indeed he is. His social worker said, and I quote, 'This young man is turning his life around. It shows that it is never too late.'"

"Do you have a current address?"

"Sure do, Babe. Coming to you now."

Morgan smiled. "You never let me down, princess."

Garcia smiled as she broke the connection.

"Lets go." Said Hotch, already out of the door.

* * *

"FBI. Open the door!" Give them the benefit of the doubt, though Hotch would have been surprised if there had been an answer. He stepped back and nodded to Morgan, who did his thing and kicked the door down.

The agents checked each room in turn, no sign of Cross.

"I don't think he's been here for a while," Emily commented, "The food in the fridge has gone off, and look at this dust."

"Probably since he started killing. He doesn't want to be found." Reid said, "So where has he been living for the last two weeks?"

"They." said Morgan, coming down the stairs. "There are two bedrooms, both been lived in."

"Well he's not here." Hotch sighed. "Let's get back and work up a profile. We have enough information, and it may tell us where they've gone to hide."

* * *

"There's no need." said the cop in charge of the case. "There's something better than a profile in the interview room."

"He came in about an hour ago." JJ explained as they made their way to the viewing room. "Claims he's Wesley Cross."

They looked at the man sitting on the other side of the glass. JJ handed them the picture of Cross that Garcia had sent them.

"He's really scared." said JJ. "He could hardly speak when he came in."

"I'll talk to him. Join me, Reid." Hotch with Reid following, went into the room.

Wesley looked up at them in fear. "Benny frightened me. He hurts people. I thought he would hurt me."

Hotch sat down opposite him. The table had been taken out of the room. He leaned forwards and made eye contact.

"Wesley, did Benny hurt you?"

"No. Just scared me. He hurts people. He hurt that lady and man. He made me watch." Tears were streaming down Wesley's face. "He made me be in the dark. I don't like the dark."

Reid stepped forward. "You are safe now. He can't hurt you now. We won't let you be in the dark."

Reid stretched out his hand, hesitated and withdrew it. "Have you had something to eat?" Wesley shook his head. "I'll get you something."

"I'll be back in a minute." Hotch followed Reid out of the room.

"We can't talk to him here. He needs to get back to the BAU."

"We've maybe got a week if Cross sticks to Monday nights." Morgan said, "If!"

"Let's hope so. Reid, you return to the BAU with me, the rest of you, work a profile, and see what you can get here. We'll relay anything we get to Morgan."

* * *

On the jet, Reid was playing with his palm top again. This chess program was worse than useless. He could beat it every time. He made a mental note to ask Garcia to write him a program that worked 'outside the box'. Again he snapped it shut. "You want coffee Hotch?"

Hotch looked up from the case file. "Yes please, but go easy on the sugar. Hayley's been on at me about getting tubby." H went back to the file, smiling.

"Coffee, Wesley?"

Wesley gave Reid a nervous smile. "Er…yes please. I don't have sugar." He got up and limped behind Reid.

Wesley took his cup, and Hotch's. "Can I take this too him?" He was like a little boy, trying to please. Reid knew what that felt like. It had defined his whole life.

"Sure." Reid sat back down and sipped his coffee. The sugar rush made him edgy. He wanted to discuss the case. "Hotch…"

Hotch was asleep.

"H-how long until we land?" Wesley asked. "I don't like this."

Reid resisted the impulse to give him the statistics of airplane travel safety, and stood up.

"I'll go ask the pilot."

Reid stepped towards the curtain. He thought he heard a sound behind him, but before he could turn around, Wesley Cross had his hands around Reid's throat.

Reid pulled at his hands to try to pull him off, but the grip was too strong. He felt Cross's thumbs pressed into the base of his skull, pushing his head forward, preventing any chance of crying out. Desperately he tried to kick at the bulkhead, make a noise to waken Hotch. He felt his feet leave the floor. His arms became heavy and fell to his sides. His eyes rolled upwards and Wesley Cross let go. Reid fell to the floor. Hotch didn't move.

Wesley nudged Reid with his foot. Nothing.

He walked over to Hotch, and shook him gently. Nothing.

He picked the laptop up from the table, and swung it at Hotch, hitting him hard in the temple. There was a crack as his skull splintered, and blood began to flow. Hotch slumped sideways on the seat, blood running into his eyes and hair.

Wesley smiled and went to find the pilot.


	2. Chapter 2

A wise king once said, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend"

An unknown time later, Reid began to hear things again. His first thought was surprise that he was still alive. He lay still, trying to understand where he was. Gradually life returned to his limbs, and he opened his eyes.

He was shocked to see the sky above him. He was no longer on the jet. He was cold and hurting.

He moved his hands to feel the ground he was laying on, but before his mind could register, unbelievable pain shot through him.

He felt suddenly light headed, and his movements seemed to be at half speed, floating.

He turned his head and vomited onto the ground, closed his eyes again and fought to regain control through the pain.

Slowly, very slowly, he turned his head the other way and looked at his arm.

His left arm was twisted un-naturally, white bloodied bone sticking through at the elbow.

Reid was sick again and then he fainted.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

After a time, he opened his eyes again. His throat hurt where he had been throttled, but every time he coughed, his body shook, and moved his arm.

Slowly, carefully, he sat up. Wincing in pain, he checked himself out.

His hair was sticky with the blood from a wound on his forehead. There was a tender spot on his right hip, but his legs seemed okay.

"Hotch? Where are you?" He realized he was whispering. Looking around him into the darkness, he felt the tension build up as he realized he was alone in the dark, and he had no idea where he was.

The moonlight picked out the silhouette of the jet against the sky.

But something was wrong.

Very gently, he lifted his arm and laid it across his chest. Holding it very still, tears streaming down his face, he got on his feet.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Hotch! Can you hear me? HOTCH!"

He heard a soft moan from inside the jet. As he got closer, he could see the jet had smashed into the trees. Snapped in half.

Reid stepped carefully through the hole in the fuselage.

"Hotch! Are you in here?"

Reid could here Hotch's breathing. It didn't sound good.

"I'm coming!"

Reid painstakingly crossed to where he could just see Hotch in the faint light. He was terrified he would fall. If he did, he doubted he would be able to get up again. He felt sick with the pain, and the darkness frightened him.

He knew that there was a flashlight in the locker above where Hotch was laying. Reid hooked the fingers of his useless arm into his belt loops; he reached up and opened the locker.

He felt around for the flashlight, and retrieved it along with what he hoped was a first aid box.

Reid realized he was shaking. He closed his eyes tight and tried to concentrate his thoughts. Hotch would be relying on him to keep his head.

Come on Reid, you're supposed to be a genius.

He sat down next to Hotch and switched on the flashlight. He stood it up so that it would illuminate the inside of the jet.

Then he looked at Hotch.

Hotch was breathing shallowly, his eyes closed, The blood was thick and sticky across his face. The wound on his temple looked serious.

But his leg was worse.

Reid opened the First Aid Box.

"Hotch. Can you move your legs?"

Hotch moaned softly, but didn't move.

Using the towel he found in the box, Reid gently cleaned the blood out of Hotch's eyes.

"I think your leg may be broken." He looked around for something to brace his leg.

"Nice of him to leave this!" Reid said under his breath as he reached for the caliper that Benton had left behind.

Awkwardly, he cut the fabric from around the gash in his leg.

"Looks like this could do with some stitches," Reid said, "I'll just bandage it for now."

It took a long time for Reid to bandage the wound, as he could only use one hand. Very gently, he strapped the caliper to Hotch's leg.

"I'm sorry if I am hurting you," he said. "I wish you would wake up."

Hotch slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus.

"Reid? Is that you?" Hotch gripped Reid's wrist. "What happened?"

"I don't know, Hotch. But that wasn't Wesley Cross we had on the jet. It was Benton." Reid brushed Hotch's bloody hair from his face. "He tried to kill me."

"Tell me what happened!"

"The last thing I can remember before I woke up was Benton Cross with his hands around my throat, strangling me." His hand went to his neck. "I tried to call for you, but you were asleep."

"Drugged." said Hotch. "I can still feel it in my system. Seems like he hit me too." Hotch weakly moved his hand up to the wound in his temple.

Reid looked at his head wound. He didn't want to say how bad it looked. He tore part of the towel and made a pad. With a bandage, he tied it against the wound.

"I need to do something to immobilize my arm."

Hotch pulled himself upright, swayed a little, then leaned against the bulkhead. "I'll help you Reid. You stand still."

Reid stood still obediently as Hotch made a pad to go round the bone. Then he strapped Reid's arm to his body across his chest. Reid did his best to not cry out, but tears coursed down his cheeks, cutting through the dirt and blood.

"I'll go and check the pilot."

"No Hotch. I'll go. You're still drugged."

He turned away from Hotch, embarrassed for the tears. Maybe Hotch hadn't noticed, but it was unlikely. Angrily he wiped his face with the back of his hand

Reid climbed across the debris to the front of the jet. The pilot was still in his seat. Reid bent down next to him and felt for a pulse, but the pilot was dead. The bruises on his neck matched those on Reid's.

Reid went to the gun locker. It was open and empty.

He returned to Hotch.

"Pilot's dead." Reid put Hotch's arm around his shoulder. "And Benton Cross is armed. We can't stay here."

Reid picked up the flashlight, and with Hotch leaning heavily on him, they carefully climbed out of the plane into the woods beyond.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Benton Cross sat 50yards from the jet watching. He had Reid's bag in front of him.. He took out the two mobile phones, opened the backs and took out the sim cards. It was easy to destroy them. He threw them into the undergrowth.

Then he took out the guns.

"Plenty of bullets," he smiled to himself,"But then, I only need two."

He watched as Reid and Hotch stumbled into the trees.

"But there's no rush." He leaned against the tree behind him.

"Killing is for the end. Time for a rest first."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was hard going.

Reid was never strong, and he was in a lot of pain. Only the knowledge that he had to go on for Hotch's sake kept him on his feet.

Hotch didn't speak, but his hand around Reid's shoulder gripped tightly. His breathing was labored, as he tried to avoid putting his left leg down.

Every now and again he would stumble; Reid managed to stop him from falling.

But he knew he would have to stop soon.

"Hotch," he whispered," We have to rest a bit. I can't…..I think I'm going to faint."

Reid slumped sideways against a tree. "I'm going to help you to sit down, Hotch."  
Very gently he lowered Hotch to the ground and leaned him against the tree. Then he sat beside him. He was light headed and felt very sick. He gently reached out and put his hand against Hotch's wounded leg. He could feel heat through the bandage, and he knew that meant it was infected. He leaned back against the tree. He would have to get them out of there pretty soon if they were to survive, but in his dazed and shocked state, he couldn't think further than 'now'.

He tried some brain exercises that he had done as a child, but they just got mixed up in his head. He couldn't concentrate in this much pain, and he couldn't work through it.

He spoke to Hotch without moving. "You okay?"

"I'm so sorry, Reid. I…." Hotch couldn't find the right words. He was supposed to be the tough one, the one leading from the front, stoic and reliable. He hated having to rely on Reid. He knew Reid didn't have the physical strength to carry him.through this.

He felt tears in his eyes. He had never felt so inadequate, so pathetic.

He turned to Reid. Reid had his eyes closed, and was sleeping fitfully. Very gently, Hotch put his arm around him and pulled him closer. Reid was very cold, only wearing a light short sleeved shirt. Hotch shrugged out of his jacket and with great gentleness and care, wrapped it around Reid's shoulders. Drawing him close, he rested Reid's head on his shoulder, and went to sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Is it Benton Cross?"

JJ was standing at the top of the bank with Emily, looking down as the police divers dragged the body out of the river. Morgan was there waiting to look at the body. He knelt down next to it and looked up at the girls.

"It looks like it." He called up to them. "Best wait until we've got him up there out of the water to be sure."

The body was zipped into a bag and carried up the bank. Morgan motioned for them to stop at the top, and unzipped the bag.

The three of them looked into the man's dead face.

"It's Benton Cross." said Emily.

"Just a minute," Morgan held up his hand to prevent the pathologist from closing the bag. "What do you make of this?"

Morgan was pointing to marks on the man's legs. "Is that what I think it is?"

Emily gaped in horror. JJ just stared. Morgan snatched out his mobile.

"I can't reach Hotch." Morgan checked the reception and re-dialed. "Or Reid!" He felt an unaccustomed panic as he called Garcia. "Get me Hotch, Baby Girl. It's urgent." He switched the phone to speaker.

"I can't! We've lost them!"

"Contact the jet!"

"That's just it. The jet went of course for 200 miles, then disappeared off the radar. The pilot may have been avoiding turbulence, but he should have radioed in."

"Was there no contact at all?" said Emily, fear in the pit of her stomach.

"We're coming back, Baby Girl." He snapped off his phone, and looked at the others. "I don't believe this. What the hell is going on?"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hotch's eyes were open in an instant. He had not meant to go to sleep, but the effect of the drug and shock had made it impossible to stay awake.

The cold metal of Reid's gun pressed into his forehead.

The warmth of Reid's head resting on his shoulder.

It all flooded back to him.

Instinctively, he drew Reid closer.

The tiny movement was not lost on Cross.

With his free hand, he grabbed Reid by the front of his shirt and pulled him upright. Reid's eyes snapped open, widening in fear, but before he could speak, Cross thrust his face close to Reid's.

Reid could almost taste his breath.

"You thought you were safe, Bitch," he spat, "'You are safe now. He can't hurt you now. We won't let you be in the dark.'" he mimicked. He pulled Reid closer. Reid tried to pull away, turn his head. Cross shook him roughly. "Let's see just how dark it can get!"

The gun did not waver in his hand. Hotch grabbed at Cross's wrist, but without taking his eyes off Reid, he kicked savagely at Hotch's leg. Hotch yelped and let go of Cross.

Cross lifted Reid off his feet and threw him aside as if he were nothing. The cold hard earth scraped open the cut on his forehead, and the blood started to flow again. He cried out as he landed on his arm. A wave of nausea flooded over him, and he blinked back tears of pain. He felt so angry and defiant, but he was not in any condition to resist.

"Hotch…" he heard himself whimper. He needed to be there for his friend. He was the brains of the outfit. How had he let this happen?

He rolled over onto his back to take the pressure off his arm, but just that effort made his head swim.

"It's OK Hotch; they'll be looking for us."

His lips formed the words, but they came out in a whisper.

Hotch, eyes straight ahead and unflinching, waited. Cross turned his attention back to the man at his feet.

Without saying a word, gun still against Hotch's skin, foot resting gently on his leg, he reached into Reid's bag and took out zip ties.

"Don't you try anything." He warned.

Moving behind the tree, gun at Hotch's temple, he ordered Hotch to put his arms round the tree.

In one skillful movement, he had Hotch helpless. He moved back and stooped in front of him. "How nice of you to bring your own restraints." He smiled sickly. Deftly he removed Hotch's tie, and tied Hotch to the tree round his neck.

"Can't have you turning your head away. I've got a show for you to watch!"

He hit him hard on the mouth. Hotch could taste blood.

He put the gun back in the bag. "Won't be needing this now for a while!" He grinned. He crossed over to where Reid was laying. Reid summoned up his remaining strength and tried to move away.

"Where do you think you are going, Bitch?"

He picked Reid up by th front of his shirt and stood him on his feet. Reid desperately tried to keep upright.

"Leave him alone!" Hotch struggled against the ties holding him. "Leave him, he's just a kid."

"Shut the xxxx up!" screamed Cross.

Reid kept his eyes on Cross.

"Take me instead!" Hotch was feeling desperate. He needed to distract Cross; he needed to get him to untie him.

"I said shut up!" He punctuated this last word by punching Reid hard in the stomach.

Reid couldn't stay upright under the assault. He doubled up as the air left his lungs. Groaning softly, he fell to the ground.

Cross knelt next to him. He took a knife from the bag and showed it to Reid. He gently laid it flat against Reid's face and began stroking him with it, wiping away the newly flowing blood. Seeing the terror in the young man's eyes made him laugh.

He placed the point of the knife against Reid's eye. Reid tried to pull away, close his eye. Cross grinned and removed the knife.

"No! That would be too easy." Swiftly, he sliced through the bandages that were holding Reid's arm against his body. The sudden release made Reid cry out.

"Save your screams, boy, you're going to need them later!"

Roughly he turned Reid onto his front. Reid couldn't help it, he screamed. He felt bone grind against bone as Cross brutally yanked Reid's arms behind him and tied them.

Reid was sobbing now. The agony in his arm, the fear, worry for Hotch, the guilt, it was too much.

"Oh, shut up you baby for xxxx sake!" screamed Cross.

He hit him hard on the side of the head, and Reid fell into blackness.

Cross lifted him up by the back collar of his shirt, and dragged him over to Hotch.

Hotch tried not to react. He hadn't been able to see what was happening, but now he could. Reid's arms were behind his back now. Hotch couldn't imagine how that must have hurt. He remembered the pain when Cross kicked his leg. Reid's face was covered in blood, running freely from the gash on his forehead, his jaw discoloring where he had been hit, eyes closed.

"What are you going to do to him?" Hotch asked softly.

Cross stooped down and looked into Hotch's face.

"Worried about your Bitch, are you?" he snickered.

He dragged Reid a little way from Hotch. The sun was coming up, the sky a beautiful deep blue. It was going to be a lovely day.

"Please," Hotch begged, "Let him go."

Cross ignored him. "Wake up, Bitch!"

He shook Reid awake. Reid opened his eyes.

"Help me…..Hotch!"

Cross pushed Spencer Reid face down in the dirt. With one hand on the back of his neck, the other arm around his waist, Cross lifted him clear of the ground. He pulled at Reid's zip.

Spencer suddenly knew what was happening. A grey blanket of fear enveloped him. He tried to twist away, but Cross's grip was too tight He mouth was full of dirt where Cross had forced his face down. Desperately he turned his head and gasped for air.

"Please don't." he sobbed softly. "Oh god, please, no."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Hotch tried to shut the screams out of his mind. It was cutting into him more than any knife could. He wanted to call out to Spencer, but he had no words. He concentrated on getting loose.

The tree he was tied to was rough. He concentrated his energy on scraping the plastic ties against the bark. Eventually they would weaken, and he could free himself.

Still Spencer's screams filled the air and Hotch's head.

Oh God, please let it be over soon


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Hotch tried not to hear what was happening, but he was only too aware of the pain and humiliation his friend was going through. He had to hear, but he didn't have to look.

His rage was giving him the extra strength to pull against his bonds. It was a palpable thing, bleeding adrenalin into his body, surging through his heart. Tears of impotent rage flooded his face as he worked on the bonds.

"I'm coming, Reid, I'm going to help you!" Hotch didn't know if he formed the words, or if he just thought them. The air was filled with Spencer's screams as his last fragile threads of dignity were stripped from him.

Then suddenly the screams subsided.

Hotch stopped moving and at last opened his eyes.

"Reid." Hotch whispered into the still air. Spencer was alone, lying on his side. His only movement was his body heaving as sobs racked his body.

"Oh God, Reid." Hotch whispered. With one last pull, his hands became free. Franticly he tore the tie from his throat. "Hold on, Reid. I'm here!"

Ignoring the dreadful throbbing in his leg, Hotch crawled over to where Reid lay. Tenderly, he touched his face. "I'm here, Spence. It's over."

Spencer's bloodied body was shaking as Hotch gently dressed him. He took his head in his lap and stroked his hair. Reid looked up at him.

"Please, Hotch, no-one must know." He sobbed.

"It's OK," Hotch murmured, still touching him softly. "I'm here. It's over."

Hotch remembered the time when Reid had been taken by Henkle. He had said then that he hadn't prepared Reid to face emotional turmoil. Then Reid had come back, returned to work, and all those good intentions had been forgotten. Now as he looked down on this fragile human being, self reproach condemned him, and his eyes flooded over with new tears for this broken man in his arms.

Very slowly, hesitantly, Spencer put his arm around Hotch's waist.

"Hold me." He whispered.

Hotch held Spencer to him, holding him against his chest. Slowly he brought his face down to Reid's and closed his eyes.

"You're safe now."

And Spencer's tears mingled with his own.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Morgan and Emily were in the chopper flying over the woodlands.

"This is ridiculous!" Morgan raged. "One tiny jet in this wilderness! We'll never find them!"

Emily briefly touched Morgan's arm. "It's the only way, Morgan. Just keep on looking."

Clenching his jaw, Morgan resisted the urge to push Emily's hand off his arm. He knew really how such a gesture was not natural for Emily. To reject the gesture at this stage could destroy her fragile self control.

At least she wasn't punching dents in the bulkheads.

He turned back to the window.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hotch lost track of time. The sun rose in the sky and warmed the earth. Gradually, Spencer's body soothed and the sobs grew less.

Hotch did not loosen his grip on the man in his arms. Slowly with the sun rise, Hotch's tears dried on his face as Reid slipped into a fitful disturbed sleep. Hotch held him tight and Reid clung to him.

Hotch was feeling light headed and he knew why. It was his leg. He knew it had become infected, but now he was feeling the poison in his veins. He also knew that he could not give in to it.

Cross would be coming back. He hadn't finished yet.

Hotch thought back to the killings. The husband had been tied to his dead wife and raped as he lay there.

No, Cross had more to do with them.

And Hotch was not going to let anything else happen to this boy who was depending on him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cross was watching them.

He was tired, but thrilled and excited. He had not planned this, not thought about it before hand. Not thought it through. He saw what he wanted and took it.

He thought back to his brother. He hadn't planned to kill him, but after he had taken what he wanted from him, the stupid fool had become hysterical, and he had to shut him up. It wasn't until he was about to drop him off the bridge that he thought of the swap.

Totally brilliant idea!

He was sorry now. He missed Wesley. They had been really close. The thought of his brother being dead saddened him.

He looked through the trees at the two men huddled together. He felt an anger burn inside him. These two men represented everything he hated in the world, everything he had been denied.

No-one had ever loved him.

Only Wes.

And now, his brother was gone.

With an enraged roar, he tore a heavy branch from a tree and ran at the two men.

Two men who were accountable for all his misery.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hotch saw him coming. He felt at once that he should have moved Reid to somewhere safe, or at least away from there, but in his heart he knew that where-ever they went, Cross would follow.

Now he had to protect Spencer.

He had let him down bitterly already.

In no way was he going to let that happen again.

He clutched Reid protectively, and rolled out of the way of the madman who was rushing towards him. Trying not to move Reid's arm, he laid him down on his side. Spencer moaned softly as Hotch pulled away from him. His eyes fluttered open and looked up at Hotch.

But Hotch had already turned away to face Cross. He was starting to sweat now, his leg throbbed agonisingly, and he could feel sweat on his face and body. His shirt was sticking coldly to him. He was shivering.

But he was determined to stand between Cross and Spencer.

He stood facing Cross. Putting his weight on his good leg, he leaned forwards, hands out ready. Cross slowly advanced on him.

In his heart he knew he would not be able to stop him.

He didn't have a chance.

But he would protect Spencer, or die trying.

Holding his weapon like a baseball bat, Cross closed in on Hotch. Valiantly, Hotch tried to catch Cross's wrist, but he no longer had the strength.

The club caught Hotch on the side of the neck, and he went down.

Reid knew that Hotch would fall, knew that there was no chance of him stopping Cross.

As quietly as he could, he rolled into the undergrowth.

He was sure that he had seen Cross with his messenger bag.

Maybe the phones were in it.

Or even the guns.

He dared not even hope.

He looked out to Hotch. Cross didn't even seem to notice he had gone; he had other things on his mind.

But it would not be long before he came for him.

Reid had to act now. Now was the only chance they had.

Trying not to cry out, Reid crawled away through the brambles and nettles. They whipped at his face and arms, stinging welts on his unprotected skin, the brambles ripping at him. He couldn't believe that something this trivial could hurt him, after what he had been through, but it was agonizing, drawing pain from new untouched places.

Suddenly he heard a Hotch cry out. Reid did not know what Cross was doing to him. He froze.

Should he go back and help?

Could he leave Hotch?

He had to go on. If he went back, it was likely he would die.

If he carried on and found his bag, at least they had a chance.

So he carried on.

His could see just ahead a flattened area of undergrowth from where Cross had been watching them. He inched his way painfully through the tangle of brambles and fell exhausted into the clearing where Cross had been. His breaths were coming in harsh rasps. Blood was running down his arms and face dripping onto the dirt, his skin stung where the nettles had whipped against him. There was not a part of him that was not in agony.

But what he was hearing hurt far more.

He could hear the sound of fist against flesh. He carefully parted the branches.

Hotch was on his back, the bandage ripped from his head. Fresh blood was running through his hair. Cross kneeling astride him. His right foot was resting on Hotch's left leg, and Cross was beating Hotch in the face and chest.

Now he would lean forward and say something to him.

Now the beating would start again.

Hotch wasn't reacting. He was either unconscious.

Past caring.

Or dead.

He could have escaped.

But instead he had stayed with him.

Now he could be dead because of him.

This couldn't go on.

Distraught, Spencer searched for his bag.

He saw where Cross had torn the branch off the tree.

He saw his messenger bag.

He dragged it towards him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hotch was not unconscious or past caring.

In fact he cared very much.

He had noticed Reid crawl away. He had remembered the bag. The longer he could keep Cross here, the longer Spencer would have to find it.

Cross leaned forward.

"I'm not going to kill you," he hissed. "I'm just warming up!"

Hotch met his eye with unwavering defiance. "You will never…" He was cut off mid sentence when Cross pressed hid foot lightly against Hotch's leg. Hotch screamed in pain. "See what I can do?" he smiled sweetly. "That was only a little press. How about this!" and he pressed his foot hard.

Hotch couldn't scream. The paroxysm flowed through his body like an electric shock. Every fibre of his being was on fire. His eyes rolled and tears flowed. As the pain subsided he breathed again.

Where was Reid?

Please let him find the bag.

Please let there be a gun!

Cross hit him again.

Hotch lay still and took it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The bag!

Reid was shaking so much he had difficulty opening it.

He almost cried out with relief when he found the guns.

He couldn't stop his hand from trembling as he checked they were loaded. He put Hotch's guns in his waist band and held his in his hand. There was no point in concealing them. He wouldn't get a second chance.

He wiped the blood from his eyes with his shirt front, and wiped what he could from his hand. He was a lousy shot at the best of times. He could not afford any mistakes.

For a full minute he lay still, trying to control his breathing, and the tremors that were shaking his body.

Fragile control.

He put his hand in the bag again.

He felt a small bottle at the bottom of the bag.

And a small plastic packet.

He took these from the bag and put them in his pocket.

"It's ok, Hotch," he breathed, "I'm coming."

Reid pulled himself upright, clutching the gun tightly he pushed his way through the bushes.

His arm hung freely at his side, the blood soaked bandage at his wrist. He waved the gun in front of him.

"Get off him, you bastard!"

Cross looked up and laughed. Hotch's eyes were closed, his face wet with sweat and blood. Spencer looked at him and his stomach clenched.

What if he was too late?

He tried to steady the gun in his shaking hand. His hair had fallen across his eyes, and he pushed it away with the back of his hand.

That was all the distraction Cross needed. He stood and rushed at Reid.

Spencer's reflexes faltered and too late he fired the gun. The bullet whistled harmlessly over Cross's shoulder. Cross drew his fist back to hit him.

Enough time.

Front sight………controlled trigger press……..follow through

Cross blinked in surprise. Holding his hand at his chest, he took another step forward.

Reid closed his eye and emptied the gun.

Cross fell forward onto the dirt.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Spencer fell to his knees. The stress and pain of the last few minutes overwhelmed him, and his tears flowed unchecked as he crawled to Hotch.

Hotch was very still, his arms straight out, palms up, his head to one side, bleeding from his mouth and nose. His head wound was open; his hair dirty and bloody. Reid could not see him breathing. Gently he felt for a pulse.

It was weak, but regular.

Softly Spencer brushed Hotch's hair from his eyes.

"It's OK, I'm here. It's over."

Reid took the bottle from his pocket.

There was only one dose left. He did not hesitate.

"It helps, Hotch. It'll be all right."

Reid moved Hotch's arms to his sides and lay down next to him. Exhaustion and pain crushed him, as he put his arm across Hotch's body protectively.

There was no-one now to hurt him. Even if they were to die here, it didn't seem to matter any more.

Spencer pulled himself closer.

As he fell asleep, in the distance, he thought he heard helicopter blades.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Hey!" shouted Morgan over the sound of the rotors. "Go back. I think I saw the jet!"

Emily peered out of the window to where Morgan was pointing. Yes, it could be. The bright sun was reflecting off something.

"Maybe." said Emily, intently peering into the distance.

The pilot brought the chopper down about a hundred yards from the crash site, Morgan was off before it had even touched the ground.

"This way," he shouted, crashing through the undergrowth, Emily right behind him.

They found the jet without too much difficulty. Apprehensively they climbed inside. Emily shone her flashlight round the dim interior. She bent forward and picked up Hotch's laptop. "Morgan!" Her voice was trembling as she held it out to Morgan." Look at this."

The corner of the laptop was covered in blood. Morgan saw skin and dark hair.

"Hotch." He concentrated his flashlight on the blood. "This is not crash damage. This happened before the crash." He started to look around. Emily picked her way up to the front of the plane.

There was a lot of blood on the floor under the first aid locker. "Where the hell are they?" He picked up the bloodied towel. "At least two of them survived the crash," called Morgan. "First aid box is open."

"Gun locker's empty." said Emily, returning to Morgan's side, "and the pilots dead. Strangled."

"So either they have the guns and are out looking for Cross, or….." He did not need to finish the sentence.

"Let's find them then."

The sun was going down, and it was getting dark. They hadn't long before a search would become impossible.

Emily climbed down off the jet and shone her flashlight about her. She bent down and looked at a darker patch of earth. "There's a lot of blood here." She said worriedly.

"Their trail shouldn't be too hard to follow." said Morgan,

He was right. There were no paths, but broken stems and branches led them through the trees. They shone their flashlights into the undergrowth.

"What's that?" Emily bent and picked up a tiny square of plastic. "A sim card. It's been snapped."

"Someone didn't want any calls made." said Morgan.

"Emily, look!" He pointed towards a darker shadow further ahead on the ground. They both ran.

The first thing they saw was Cross. He was on his front, at least three exit wounds on his back. Most of his head was missing.

"Hotch! Reid!" Emily called. "Where are they?"

"Over here!"

Morgan snatched out his mobile, Emily gaped in horror.

Hotch lay on his back, his left leg a mess of blood. His face cut and bruised, a dreadful injury to the side of his head. His whole body wet with blood and sweat.

Beside him lay Spencer Reid. His face was pressed into Hotch's neck, his right arm around his waist. His fingers were gripped tightly onto Hotch's shirt as if he would never let go. His other arm was stretched out behind him. Bent, useless, filthy. Every visible area of his body was torn, his clothes in rags and bloody.

Neither man moved.

Emily knelt down.

"Are they…." Morgan couldn't say the words.

"Hotch is breathing, but he's really hot." She checked Reid's pulse.

"He's dead." she said, her voice without emotion. "Help me!"

She pulled his arm from Hotch, rolled him over onto his back. Quickly she knelt at his head and breathed into his lungs. Morgan sat astride him and began to pump his chest.

"Come on Reid, dammit!" Morgan shouted at the still form. "Breathe!"

Reid's slim body seemed almost too fragile to take the CPR. Morgan had not realized how delicate he was, almost child like. He thought back to all the times he had teased him, poked fun at him. Guilt washed over him.

"Come on, Genius-boy. I need to apologise to you!"

Emily leaned back. "It's ok. You can stop. He's breathing."

Morgan didn't hear. His whole world was this man. Nothing else mattered.

"Come back damn you!" He was shouting at Reid. Emily pulled at Morgan's arm..

"It's ok, Morgan. He's back!" Morgan tried to pull away. Emily pulled his face round to look at her.

"He's back. It's ok."

Morgan sat on the ground, heels of his hands pressed into his eyes.

"Oh God! I thought we'd lost him." His voice was shaky. He made no attempt to hide it.

Emily carefully moved Spencer's arm off the ground and put her jacket under it. Morgan removed his coat and placed it against Hotch's head.

He stood and looked into the clear sky. "Come on!"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The air ambulance ride was a nightmare. Morgan and Emily traveled with Reid and Hotch, watching helplessly as the paramedics worked on them, trying to stabilize them, saying nothing.

"Hey!" said Morgan. "I want to help."

The medic glanced up at Morgan. "Just hold his hand." She said "Talk to him."

Morgan looked at her. "What do I say? I don't know what to say!" He felt a panic well up. Just talk. Not set the bones, or clean him up. Talk.

And he couldn't do it.

"Tell him where he is. Tell him he's safe now. Let him know you are there."

Hotch was delirious, crying out for Reid, trying to get off the stretcher. Morgan held his hand.

"Reid is here, Hotch. He's ok."

As he drifted in and out of consciousness, he squeezed Morgan's hand. Morgan leaned forwards and leaned his head on Hotch's chest.

Emily sat by Spencer, stroking his hair, talking gently to him, telling him he was safe, praying that he actually was.

"Kenzie, get over here."

The paramedic left Hotch and moved across to where her partner was trying to intubate Reid. "He's not breathing; can you hold his head back? His throat is so swollen that I can't get the tube in."

Emily stepped back to allow her in.

Kenzie tipped Reid's head back, appalled by what she saw – this young face so cut and ravaged. She had never met this man but more than she had ever felt before, she wanted him to live

"Its in." he said, obvious relief in his voice.

Kenzie pushed her hair behind her ears and checked the pulse and respiration.

"Pulse rapid and weak; blood pressure's falling."

Her partner checked Reid's eyes. "He's going into hypovolaemic shock."

She checked the roller assembly on the saline drip. "It's fully open. We are going to need a rapid infuser." Quickly and efficiently Kenzie inserted a second IV access device for a larger diameter tube, attached a saline bag and fixed the infuser device onto it

"I hope that's enough." She said worriedly, "What's the ETA?

The pilot glanced back. "We're coming in now."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kenzie and her partner stood on the tarmac and watched the nurses take Hotch and Reid into the hospital

"Are they going to be all right, PJ?" said Kenzie, eyes filling with tears

"I don't know, Kenz." He put a comforting arm around her shoulders. "It doesn't look good."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

When they arrived at the hospital, JJ and Garcia were already there, pacing the ER waiting area and looking distressed. As the paramedics rushed by, Morgan and Emily went over to them. As much as they wanted to follow their friends into resus, they kept out of the way.

Morgan started to tell JJ and Garcia what they knew.

"So Cross is dead?" JJ asked

"Yeah. Don't know who shot him, but it was definitely good shooting. At least three to the chest and one almost took his head off." Morgan tried to smile… "Probably not Reid then." But the smile never made it to his eyes, and it died there on his lips. "We may never find out what happened."

He got up and wandered over to the door through which they had taken Hotch and Reid and peered through the small window. Reid was lying very still on the table. His clothes had been cut off him. His body small and battered. The Doctor was holding the defibrillator paddles.

Morgan wanted to move away but he was held in thrall. The sounds of the ER blurred into the background as he watches Reid's body jerk off the table. A few seconds, and again.

And again.

How much more could he take?

Morgan joined his hands against his face and prayed. He had to make it.

The green light suddenly jumped.

Oh God.

"Sinus rhythm restored."

Morgan tore himself away and went back to the girls. They looked up at him for news. There was no need for them to know what he had seen.

The door flew open and a trolley was pushed past them.

"That was Hotch." breathed JJ.

Morgan jumped up and followed them to the lift. The doors opened and they pushed the trolley into the care of the theatre staff waiting. Morgan took the arm of one of the doctors. "What's going on?"

"Are you family?"

"Er….yes." Haley had not arrived yet. It was a long trip for her, and Morgan felt justified in the lie.

The doctor looked at him disbelievingly, but said

"Aaron is going up to theatre. He has been pumped full of antibiotics. Normally we would wait for them to take effect before we operate, but he is in danger of loosing that leg. We have to work fast." he paused and then said, "Does Aaron have a substance abuse problem?"

It took Morgan a second to comprehend the question. "Sorry?"

"Substance abuse. You know, drugs."

Morgan was furious. "No! Absolutely not!"

The doctor put his hand on Morgan's shoulder. "It's ok, it's something we just needed to ask.. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of it."

"And Reid? What about Reid?" Morgan tried not to shout.

"I'll go and find out for you." And he disappeared back into the ER

Morgan stood stunned by what the doctor had said.

Then the doctor returned. "We are still trying to stabilize your friend at the moment. He has lost so much blood, he's on volume expanders, and as soon as he's stable, he will be going up to theatre. We need to try and save his arm, but it is unlikely that we will be able to."

"You have to save it!" Morgan stood up and yelled. "And don't dare intimate that he has a 'substance abuse' problem!" Morgan spat the words angrily. Garcia stepped up behind him and silently led him back to the seat.

"He's in the best hands, Babe. Just let them do their job."

Morgan paced. Emily and JJ drank endless cups of coffee. Garcia sat and stared. It seemed to be forever, but suddenly the door opened and Spencer was rushed past them into the lift.

This time Morgan didn't interfere.

Time passed.

Haley arrived. She rushed into the waiting area in a panic.

"Where is he? Where's Aaron?"

Garcia hugged her. "He's in theatre now. We don't know anything."

JJ gave her a cup of coffee. Haley sat with it in her shaking hands without drinking. Morgan carried on pacing.

Time seemed interminable. The five of them waited for news, Haley pale and dry eyed.

"Aaron Hotchner?"

The doctor came over to them, removing his mask. "I'm Dr. Thomas, and I operated on Mr. Hotchner. I am pleased to say that we have managed to save his leg, although it will be a long road to recovery. He lost a lot of muscle tissue due to the wound infection and it is going to take time for it to build up again.

"There could be a problem, however, with the head wound. At the moment he is recovering, but until he comes round completely, we won't know the extent of the damage."

Haley sat down in shock. "Damage?"

Morgan said, "Surely you have some idea?"

"No, I'm sorry. These things are impossible to predict." Dr. Thomas seemed genuinely upset.

"Mrs. Hotchner, please can I speak to you in private?"

Haley shakily stood up and followed the doctor wordlessly.

Morgan sat down, head in his hands.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Someone was speaking to him. He tried to open his eyes, but they felt so heavy He moved his head painfully towards the voice, tried to speak.

"Don't try to move, Aaron. You are out of theatre, in recovery. My name is Tina. I'll be looking after you until you go up to the ward."

"Spencer." Hotch croaked. It didn't sound like anything even to his own ears. He tried again; Tina put her finger to his lips.

"Don't try to talk, Aaron," she said softly. "Your throat will be sore from the ventilator. I'm not far away. I'll check on you in a minute." She patted his arm and was gone.

Hotch concentrated on his returning senses. His mind rushing over the last two days, trying to remember. Confused images of the woods, of Reid. He had to remember. He knew there was something important.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Morgan was getting impatient. What was happening with Reid? Never very good at waiting at any time, this was agony. When a doctor came over towards them, however, he was almost too afraid to hear what he had to say.

"Spencer is out of theatre. We have saved his arm, but he may not get full use of it. He is going to need intensive therapy to get any movement at all. There was a lot of damage to the nerves. But it is healing the psychological damage he will need most help with though. I hope he has a good support circle. Are you his friends?"

Morgan nodded, afraid to speak.

"Good. He is going to need you."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hotch was beginning to make sense of his surroundings. He could hear Tina speaking to someone. He heard a trolley being wheeled in. He opened his eyes and struggled to focus. The light was quite dim, making it easier to get used to. He watched as the trolley was parked next to him.

Spencer.

His face washed of blood, butterfly clips holding flesh together; his right arm a mass of stitched wounds.

He saw the box at the end of the trolley.

A rape kit.

The full force of the horror of their ordeal hit him

Please, Hotch, no-one must know.

Hotch reached out to him. "Spencer..."

Reid lay still, unmoving. Hotch's mind raced. He had to do something. He tried to move, to test his strength. His leg was in a metal cage, pinned and dressed, heavy and awkward.

He couldn't move it.

He wasn't able to get across to Reid.

He had to do something

What could he do?

Slowly he worked his way to the very edge of the trolley, hoping against hope that Tina wouldn't choose this moment to come over to check his obs.

With a huge effort, he tipped himself off the trolley onto the floor. As he went he grabbed the sheet that was covering Reid pulling it on top of him. Hotch hit the floor hard, knocking the wind out of him, unable to save himself, his caged leg clanging into the side of the trolley

The box landed next to him.

Desperately trying to control his hands, terrified that he didn't have enough time, he slid the box away.

Lying on his back, breathing heavily, and feeling shocked and in pain, had he done enough?

Then he was surrounded by nurses and lifted back onto the trolley.

Tina stood by him. She put her hand on his hair.

"How on earth did that happen?" she frowned. She glanced over at Reid, picked up his cover and replaced it.

"Were you trying to speak to him? Is he your friend?" Hotch nodded weakly. Tina smiled and wheeled the trolleys together.

"I am going to call Dr Thomas down to check out that head wound. Looks like you've opened it up again!"

Hotch closed his eyes, exhausted, anxious, frightened.

He needed to stay awake, look out for Reid.

Sounds moved further away.

His mind tried to pull them back.

He had to stay awake.

For Reid……………………


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Mrs. Hotchner, I am going to ask you something. The subject is quite delicate, and I don't want to upset you, but please tell me the truth."

Haley leaned forward in her seat. What could be worse? She met Thomas' eyes, blinking away tears. "What is it?"

"It seems your husband has taken some kind of narcotic. Would you be able to tell us what it is?"

Haley stared in bewilderment. "Narcotic? Why on earth…..?"

Thomas spoke gently. "There is a mark on his arm; we need to know what he's taken."

"My husband has never taken drugs. This must be a mistake!"

The phone rang on the doctor's desk. He picked it up, then put it down without saying anything.

"I am sorry, Mrs. Hotchner, I have to attend an emergency."

He stood and opened the door for her. "Please think about what I've said, won't you."

Haley nodded once. She left the office in a daze.

Garcia saw her at once. She put her arm around her and led her back to the waiting area.

"He said Aaron's taken something." She said in a high frightened voice.

"I know," said Morgan. "But don't worry, we'll sort it. It's a mistake, that's all."

He thought, "At least I hope so……"

The silence between them was palpable. Each lost in their own thoughts, memories of these two men. Men they would die for, who would give their lives for them.

"You can go and sit with Spencer now," Shaken out of their reverie, they looked up, desperate to be with him, terrified of what they would see

"I'll stay here and wait for Aaron." Haley said. She sat down again, head in her hands. She looked up at them, an attempt at a smile. "I'll be ok."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The emergency that sent Thomas back to the OR was Hotch, although he was not about to tell his wife. The lift was on another floor so he took two at a time.

Hotch was already back in theatre, dressings removed and ready.

"What happened?" Thomas demanded, scrubbing up.

"Somehow he managed to fall off the trolley." said Tina. He was trying to get to his friend, you know, that young guy with the broken arm."

Thomas gave her an annoyed look,

"Do your job! Then I won't have to do mine twice!"

and pushed through the swing doors. "Ok, let's get started."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Spencer was floating. It wasn't a nice kind of floating, though. He felt sick and out of control. He didn't like it. He thought that dying was supposed to be a serene feeling. This was not serenity. _

_He could hear someone calling his name. _

'…_leave me alone! Just let me die……I don't want to come back…… hurting...….can't face being alive…..'_

_The voice was insistent; hands were pulling at him, pain in his chest….._

'_No…...leave me!...I don't want to….'_

_Too much pain…..too much pain….._

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"He's in V-fib!"

Again the paddles were applied to Reid's chest.

Again, his injured body jerked from the bed.

Again………nothing.

And again

And again.

Morgan watched from the door in abject horror.

"Come on, Reid! Don't you dare go!"

JJ and Emily stood wide eyed in disbelief. Garcia was crying unashamedly.

They were watching him die.

The doctor stood back.

"Are we all agreed?"

Silent nods.

"Time of death…."

"No!"

Morgan pushed forward to Reid. He held Reid's body and shook him. Holding him tight, "C'mon, kid, we need you!"

"Don't give up! Please, don't give up!" Garcia cried out. "Please try again!"

JJ and Garcia clung to each other. Tears streamed down Emily's face.

The doctor pulled Morgan away from Reid. Morgan stood against the wall, shaking, hands covering his face.

Once again the doctor applied the paddles.

Reid's tired battered body jerked again.

The doctor stood back again.

Morgan moved his hands away from his eyes. "Please kid…"

"Sinus rhythm established. He's back!"

The doctor turned to Morgan. "Looks like the sound of your voice has called him back, but now I think you had better wait outside."

"We're not moving." Morgan tried to sound threatening, but his voice was trembling.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N This is a very small chapter. It has important information in so I wanted it to stand alone. I'm uploading Ch 10 at the same time tho. Hope that's ok!

Chapter 9

Boring.

She hated this job. Just one swab after another. Same every day.

She saw just a list of numbers. Not lives destroyed

She went to the fridge and removed the next rack. Placing it on the lab bench, she glanced at her watch. Just about time to list these and then she could have a break. She was up to a good bit in her Kathy Reichs book. Her mind was elsewhere when she started entering the names onto the database.

Huh! Maybe the first one would be interesting, didn't often enter a man's name.

_8368990547 _- _Reid, Spencer –_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter10

Hotch lay in the bed, the machines around him keeping unthinking vigil. Haley held his hand, eyes vacant, distant.

Garcia put her hand on her shoulder. Haley pulled away and turned on her angrily.

"Why does he do this damned job? I hate it! We need him. I don't want to share him!"

Garcia stepped away, giving Haley space. She wanted to say something to her, to alleviate her torment, but she didn't know what to say.

She felt inadequate, wanting. She could get any amount of information from a computer, but when she called on her own mind to produce a few words of empathy, she was unable.

"Why can't he just give up and come home!" Haley was hollow eyed and exhausted. "I don't want to lose him….but I can't take this any more….." She trailed off. She knew Aaron would never leave. It was his work that made him what he was.

Garcia reached out to Haley. .

"I can't stay here. I need to get home to Jack. It's bad enough he doesn't have a father around!" Haley pushed past Garcia.

Garcia didn't move. She heard the door open and close behind her as Haley left.

She had no words to say.

She wondered if she could live like that – having your most important person in the world called away from you at any time, never sure if they were going to come home.

She had no words,

so she just sat in Haley's chair, resting her hand on Aaron's.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

At last Spencer Reid's room was clear; doctors gone, satisfied he was stable, leaving him alone with Morgan.

He had sent the JJ and Emily home. Garcia had refused to go, saying that if Morgan tried to make her go, she would make him sorry.

So she stayed. .

Reid lay flat on the bed, small, pale, vulnerable. His eyes jerked from side to side, sometimes a tear would form at the corner of his eye and course down his the side of his face and into his hair. The only sound was the ventilator breathing, the monitors' rhythmic murmur

The sight tore at Morgan. Whatever was going on in Reid's mind, Morgan couldn't help him.

He knew Reid suffered from nightmares that made him afraid to sleep

Please, he thought, let him wake up, let the nightmare stop.

He rested his head on their clasped hands

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Later, they brought Hotch into the room and let him be near Reid.

Garcia and Morgan sat together, watching.

The nurses removed the tube from Reid's mouth, and let him breathe on his own. As the tube pulled away, Reid moaned and his head lifted from the bed.

Morgan and Garcia watched anxiously as the boy held his own, sucking air unaided into his lungs.

He was becoming agitated in his nightmare and was starting to thrash about, soft sighs escaping broken lips.

Garcia tried to speak soothing words to him, nothing seemed to help. It distressed her to see his tears, the panic on his face. Sometimes his eyes would open, showing terror. Then they would close again, as if he was trying to close off part of his nightmare.

"Please wake up, Spencer," she whispered to him. "We are here. You won't be alone. Just wake up and be safe."

She stroked his hair gently.

"C'mon, Sweet Cheeks, wake up…."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

…_reliving the agony again and again of his humiliation, his shame. His face pushed into the dirt, filling his mouth, unable to breath. Gasping for air, the hand on the back of his neck, holding him helpless. An arm around his waist. A hand pulling at his clothes. The realization of what was going to happen to him, and the knowledge that he couldn't stop it._

'_Please don't Oh God, please, no.'_

'_Help me!...Hotch!'_

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Hotch…"

Morgan looked up. He wasn't sure if he heard it.

"He spoke!" Garcia said, hardly able to believe it. "He's waking up!"

"Reid!" Morgan held him by the shoulders, looking straight into his face.

Spencer coughed; he was trying to speak, his cut bruised lips trying to call out.

"Reid, I'm here! It's Morgan."

Reid's head turned slightly towards the familiar voice.

"Morgan?"

Overcome with emotion that he never imagined he had in him, Derek Morgan then did something he would deny for as long as he lived.

He kissed Reid.

He turned to Garcia. "Don't ever mention that. It didn't happen!"

Garcia smiled and cried all at once.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

A hand is his.

Long elegant fingers entwined; once perfectly manicured nails broken and rough.

Reid.

Aaron was suspended in blackness, Reid's hand still held him. Saying to him, 'I will never let go.'

Reid's hand pulled him back towards the light he knew was there, but he couldn't see it.

Enfolded in safe black velvet, free of pain, protected, loved…..

Still the hand drew him upwards,

The velvet fell from his helpless body, falling upwards towards fear and hurt……..

"Reid?" Just a whisper. He could hear Reid's ragged breathing – irregular, uncertain. He gripped Spencer's hand and tried to move his head to his left, towards him. He couldn't see him.

Hotch put his right hand up to his face. He rubbed at his eyes.

"Spencer, I can't see."

Aaron felt panic rise within him.

Couldn't see…but he could before. He could remember the rape kit…..the fall.

He could see then….but not now.

Never loosening his grip on Spencer's hand, he called out.

For Haley

For his friends

For this to be over

And new tears fell from sightless eyes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The doctor shone his light into Aaron's eyes. There was no change. His pupils huge and dark.

Aaron desperately tried to calm the panic.

Blind.

He couldn't be.

He tried to hear what the doctor was saying. But his mind was on the man next to him. How could he help him to recover, if he was blind?

Of what use was he?

"…..may not be permanent……"

"Please could you say that again?" Aaron said, trying to concentrate. To keep his voice even, trying to hide the fear he felt.

"…caused by the head trauma. It's not uncommon; the swelling is causing pressure around the optic nerve. Often when the pressure subsides, vision returns with no permanent damage. Unfortunately we cannot predict the outcome with any certainty."

Hotch's mind went to his family, to Haley and little Jack.

He wanted to see them, to remember how they looked.

What if he was never going to see them again?

Not watch his little boy grow up, watch him go off to school on his first day?

He was sad that Haley wasn't there, but he wasn't surprised.

Life had become more and more difficult since he missed Jack's hospital appointment. He hadn't meant to. He loved Jack.

But how could he leave the BAU?

Now, if he was blind, would he be able to do his job anyway?

And how could he leave Spencer?

When Gideon left, Reid had felt abandoned. One more abandonment in a lifetime littered with them.

How would he cope now, if someone else left him, after what he'd been through?

He thought again of Haley.

It was her choice. She would manage on her own.

He doubted if Reid would.

He couldn't leave him.

The doctor touched Hotch's arm and snatched him back to the present.

He was looking at the puncture mark on his inner elbow.

"I need to ask you something, Mr.Hotchner. There is an injection site on your arm, and it seems you were given some kind of narcotic. We need to know what it was."

Aaron tried to think back to what had happened. "I was given something…. on the plane….not injection."

"Do you think it could have been your kidnapper who dosed you?"

Hotch thought about it. He couldn't remember being injected, but he was fairly certain what had happened and he knew it hadn't been Cross.

"Yes I think so." said Hotch, "It must have been him." He fought the urge to turn towards Reid

"You rest now. I'll come in on you tomorrow." And he left.

Rest?

Aaron's head swam, it hurt when he moved, his leg hurt, but most of all, he hurt for Reid.

He needed to get his head together if he was to be any help to him.

'Please, Hotch, no-one must know'

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Spencer? Are you awake?" He reached out for his hand in the darkness. "Reid?"

Reid caught hold of him. "Hotch. They know."

Aaron felt pain deep inside. He struggled to find words of comfort, pushing his own troubles to the back of his mind. It seemed so trivial after what Reid had endured. His heart cried for him.

"Nobody else needs to, Spencer. I'll get you through this. We'll get through this together."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid was hurting.

His body was in pain. His arm was only saved by the exceptional skill of the surgeon. It seemed to be screaming at him, it felt as if it was on fire. His face was beaten and lacerated, skin pulling where it was healing. He was bruised and torn inside, every movement he made reminding him of his violation.

His violation.

Nobody else's.

His to deal with.

His mind was ripped apart. Statistics rushing unbidden through his head:

_20 per cent of rape victims are men_

_3per cent of adult men are raped_

_Male rape victims most likely to commit suicide_

Spencer couldn't switch it off. He had never tried before to control the information that spontaneously appeared in his mind. Now all he wanted was to make it all go away, to be at peace with himself. That peace had been clawed away in that terrible few minutes on the woodland floor.

Just a few minutes.

But the results would be with him always. There was no escape.

The waking nightmares were holding him in their crushing tentacles. Nothing he did relieved him of the feelings of shame and abasement.

And selfishness.

Hotch, a man who had been willing to take his place. A man who had lost his sight trying to help him. Now all he could think of was his own pain.

He crushed the pillow onto his face and wept in grief.

……………………………………………………………………………………………...

The rest of the team visited that afternoon.

Reid lay on his side facing the wall and pretended to be asleep. He listened to them talking about him, sharing their concerns with each other.

He didn't want to talk to them.

He wanted to be alone, away from here.

Somewhere he could end the self-loathing.

Free himself forever.

He couldn't do it here.

He would have to wait.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Gradually the physical damage healed. The clips were removed from Reid's face and the stitches from his arm. The plaster taken off his arm when the bone healed. The bruises on his body faded.

But his eyes had a haunted dark look. His lips sad, unsmiling. As his wounds healed, the inner damage grew deeper, feelings of self loathing, abhorrence, dominated his thinking. When the team visited, he hid away, unable to allow them to see him, unable to speak. How could he? His secret was all he had left; he could not give that away. This all embracing darkness that surrounded him, how could they not see it? How could they not hate him?

Hotch tried. He sat on Spencer's bed, talking to him, telling him it was not his fault, that he was not dirty. Tried to make him understand that what Cross had done to him did not make him unlovable, and that if he would only let them, he had friends who would carry him through this, be there with him.

But he wouldn't speak of it, wouldn't allow Hotch to tell the others.

Spencer refused any kind of counseling. He was dismayed that there were people who knew of his ordeal, when they looked at him, he could see disgust in their eyes. He stopped looking at people. His eyes became unfocussed, distant.

When Hotch thought about what Cross had done to him, it made his blood run cold. This man had been an innocent, now he had been destroyed.

Spencer was still living, but he had lost his life.

Although he couldn't see Reid, he felt his pain through the trembling of his body, the shuddering in his voice.

Hotch cried a lot.

He cried for Spence.

He cried for his lost family, for the little boy he never saw.

He cried for the lost life.

Night times were the worst. Hotch lay in his own penetrating darkness. He could hear Spencer's agony as he cried out unknowingly in his sleep, the nightmares ripping his soul apart. Sometimes he would get up and lay on the bed next to him, just so that maybe he would respond to the closeness of a friend. Sometimes he would sit and hold his hand. But the dreams went on.

Night after awful night.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The team still visited, but they had cases to work on, and it seemed that their lives had

taken a different path. And they didn't see Reid as he did. They didn't know what he had been through, still going through.

The girls tried to understand. JJ and Garcia forgave his absences. They could forgive him anything, because he was Reid. His vulnerability made him more lovable than ever. But they couldn't really understand, because they didn't know.

Emily found it difficult to empathise. She had trouble dealing with her own emotions, so she shut them off. This overt manifestation of grief that permeated Reid frightened her, and not knowing Reid like the others, she backed away from him, unable to handle it.

Morgan didn't joke and tease like he used to. He knew there was something terribly wrong, but he didn't know what it was. He knew Reid had always been tormented by nightmares, and thought maybe he was having flashbacks. Reid had been near death, and barely survived. He wished he knew how to reach out to him, but his own emotional stability was shaky, Whatever was tearing Spence apart, he doubted that his own fragile self control would make it through.

So Hotch kept trying.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Aaron's leg was no longer in a cage, and the pins had been removed. Gradually he was learning to get about on his own. When he reached each milestone in his recovery, when he should have been celebrating, he just sat with his hands on his face, wishing he could share it.

But the people with whom he wanted to share it were unreachable.

He wondered why he wanted to recover.

Haley was gone, the team didn't need him.

Just as they moved on without Gideon, they moved on without him.

Then he would hear Reid crying, relive those terrible screams, and he knew why. Reid needed him. Even though Reid didn't know it, Hotch was there for him.

The wound on Aaron's head was healed, the bandages and stitches gone, his hair growing back. Spencer's arm was beginning to recover movement, the scars on his face fading

From the outside, they both looked whole.

But inside, they were still dying.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was painful, the thought of going home to a cold empty house. Although he'd not seen Haley since he left the BAU all those weeks ago, he couldn't imagine being alone in the house without her and Jack.

He had asked Reid to come back and stay with him for a while. He was so worried about him; maybe they could help each other. So he asked him, giving no reasons.

He was glad when Spence had said yes.

Reid was not bothered where he was as long as it was away from here. When Hotch had asked him to go to his place for a while, it was easier to say yes than argue about it. He didn't want to argue. He didn't want to communicate at all. So he would go back with Hotch to his place.

He thought of the freedom to do what he'd been thinking about, and he started to feel nervous and excited. The hospital felt like a prison. It was not until that moment that he realized just how much he hated it. He watched Hotch clumsily put his things into the holdall he had had brought in. He crossed to Hotch's bed and started to help him.

"Let me help you."

Just four words. But they were the first words Hotch had heard Reid say without it being in response to a question. Hotch felt an unaccustomed warmth.

"Thank you, Reid."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Morgan and Garcia were waiting outside for them. The drive home was awkward. Neither Morgan nor Garcia knew what to say, but they were determined to talk to them, find out the truth of the matter.

Morgan pulled up outside Hotch's house. The house was still and silent, unwelcoming. Morgan glanced back at Hotch. His sightless eyes were staring straight ahead, but they were wide and tear filled. Even though Hotch couldn't see, he could feel the loneliness; anticipate the emptiness he would know on entering the house. His hand tightened on Reid's. Morgan turned back quickly.

"Ok, then! Here we are!" Garcia said brightly. She and Morgan started to get out of the car.

"We're all right." Reid said. "We can carry our stuff."

"Yes you can," countered Morgan. "But we are coming in with you. We need to talk."

Aaron got out of the car. Reid leaned forward and pulled Morgan back into the car.

"We can manage!"

"No. You can't." Morgan pulled away, ignoring Reid's protests, went round to the back of the car and took the bags out of the boot. He handed them to Reid.

Aaron was at the front door, struggling with his keys. Garcia took them from him, and unlocked the door.

Reid was upset. All he wanted to do was shut himself in the bathroom and think. He had been preparing for this moment for weeks, calmly longing for this time.

Now he would have to wait again.

The four of them entered the house, Morgan leading Hotch to the sofa, Reid dumping the bags inn the hall, and sitting down next to him. Morgan noticed that they were not holding hands now, but Reid was sitting so close to Aaron, that they touched.

Garcia went onto the kitchen to make a drink. Morgan sat down opposite Aaron. When Garcia came in with the drinks, she sat by Morgan. She gave him a nervous look. Morgan gave her a slight nod.

Garcia turned to Reid.

"Reid," she began softly. "We know what happened."

Spencer shrunk back into the chair. He stared at Aaron in dismay, trying to draw away from him. Morgan saw the movement.

"Hotch didn't tell us." said Morgan.

"So how……?"

"I hacked into the hospital records, Reid."

"B-but…..why?" Reid was stunned. "That was private!" He lowered his head in shame. Aaron reached for his hand.

"Reid, we had to find out! How can we help you if we don't know?"

Garcia leaned forwards and took Spencer's other hand. "We are your friends, Spencer. We needed to know."

"It's only us, Reid. We haven't told the others."

Reid began to cry.

Aaron turned to Reid. "I wanted to tell them, Spence, but I didn't. But now they know, maybe we can work together and get through this." He added, "I am so glad you know, Morgan. We really need you"

Reid stood up. Aaron reached for him, but Reid stepped away.

"Please, Spence….."

"No!" he choked. "No!"

Reid ran out of the room. Aaron put his hands on his face.

"I can't help him, Morgan. He won't accept any."

"I shouldn't have told him." said Garcia. She stood.

"Where are you going, Baby girl?"

"This is my fault, Derek. I am going to talk to him."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Garcia followed Reid up the stairs. She could hear him sobbing on the other side of the door.

"Please, Spence let me in."

Reid didn't answer. Garcia turned the handle, but the door was locked. "Please, Spence, let me in. Please, I'm so sorry."

She heard Reid's footsteps, and he opened the door.

He turned and went back to the bed. He sat and watched at her, Then he turned his head away.

"Please don't look at me, Garcia." He said. "I don't want you to see me. Just say what it is you need to say, and leave me alone."

Garcia sat by him and took his face in her hands. She felt his tears, the trembling of his jaw; she turned him to face her.

"Let me help." She spoke slowly, deliberately. "We love you, Reid. We want you back."

For a few seconds, Spencer just looked at her, his body racked with sobs. Then suddenly, he put his arms around her, and held her.

She held him close. His despair made tears come to her eyes too,

Gently she rocked him. Slowly the crying faded to a shudder at each breath..

She held him like that as the sun went down.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Finally, Spencer fell asleep in her arms.

Very carefully, she lay him down on the bed. She took off his shoes and covered him.

She gave him a gentle kiss and looked down at him, sleeping. He looked so innocent, so childlike. How could anything so awful have happened to him? She went to the door. Glancing back at him once more, she turned the light off and went downstairs.

Morgan and Hotch were sitting where she had left them. Morgan looked up at her as she re-entered the room.

"He's sleeping." she said. "I'll go check on him later."

"It's ok, Garcia," said Hotch. "You don't have to stay, you know. We'll be ok."

Morgan stood. "C'mon, Baby. Let's leave them to settle in." He took Garcia by the hand.

"We'll come back in the morning." said Garcia. She leaned down and gave Aaron a little kiss on the cheek. "See you tomorrow."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hotch heard the door shut. He sat in the darkness thinking of all the things that had happened in this house.

He remembered when he had carried Haley over the threshold.

The time when they had come home with little Jack.

The times he had paced the floor at night, trying to get him to sleep.

He needed them to be there with him.

He reached for the phone, but he knocked it off the table. It fell to the floor with a crash.

His sense of desolation and abandonment overwhelmed him. He knelt on the floor and felt around for the phone, but he couldn't find it

Even making a phone call was too difficult for him.

He couldn't even call his wife.

He put his head on the floor and wrapped his arms round his head, curled up and wept in the darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N This is my second attempt at this chapter. I was not happy with the 1****st**** attempt, and I have deleted it, but, unfortunately, not before it was read by some reviewers. So if you are one of them, please give this one a go!**

Chapter 14

In Spencer's nightmare, hot sun beat down on him as he fought for control over his life, an abstract entity trying to suffocate him in heat, burning hands touching his body, searing skin, taking control. He woke suddenly, shaking and sweating. He sat up on the bed, trembling hands wrapped around himself, rocking. Again, a dream. It wasn't real, but it took a little time for his mind to believe what his eyes could see.

As he regained control, he looked around for Hotch. He was surprised that he was alone. It was the first time in many weeks that he had woken up alone. He swung his legs off the bed, and, tucking his hair behind his ears, he went out of the room to look for Aaron.

He was nervous about Aaron being alone. If he felt un-nerved by it, then Aaron in his perpetually dark world would need him.

He found Hotch in the living room. He was asleep on the floor, lying in a foetal position, legs drawn up, arms clasped protectively around his head. His sleep was disturbed, troubled.

Reid felt Aaron's skin with the back of his hand. He was very cold. Reid was upset at the thought of his being alone all night. He picked up the telephone and re-placed it on the table. Gently shaking Aaron, he woke him.

Aaron turned onto his back and reached up to Reid.

"Spencer, is that you?"

"It's ok, Aaron, I'm here."

Reid helped Aaron onto the sofa, and wrapped a throw around his shoulders.

"You're freezing!" Reid put his arm around him and they huddled together. The sun was coming up, and a new day was starting. Soon Aaron would be warm and he would feel safe. He would call Morgan to come and be with him.

Aaron needed someone who could help him.

Reid knew that he was not the one to do that.

Reid was a burden, useless, dirty, an obscenity.

But today, well today all that was going to end.

"Is there anything you, want, Aaron? A drink, something to eat?"

"I need a shower!" said Hotch, shivering. "I need to warm up!"

The two of them went upstairs to the bathroom. Reid turned on the shower and left.

"I'll right outside if you need me, Aaron."

Aaron smiled at his friends concern. He hadn't mentioned what happened the night before with Morgan and Garcia. Hotch took this as a good sign.

As he stood under the hot needles of water, he thought, maybe, just maybe, things were going to be all right.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid had not forgotten. When he thought of the shame and loathing he was carrying, he felt unfit for anything, especially anything as meaningful as being worthy of being a friend to Hotch.

Hotch needed strength, someone who would not break down when he was needed.

Spencer Reid was not that person.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid heard the shower turn off.. Then there was a crash. Hotch swore.

"You ok, Hotch?" Reid was concerned.

"Yeah. Fine!!"

Aaron came out of the bathroom in his robe. "I knocked something into the basin and it's broken."

"It's ok. I'll shower and clear it up."

Reid went to Hotch's bedroom with him, and returned to the bathroom.

He picked up a piece of glass from the basin and looked at it.

Was this providence?

One of Garcia's favorite sayings was, 'everything happens for a reason.'

He had never really believed that before. But here he was, with his weapon of choice in his hand.

He took his mobile out of his pocket and called Morgan.

"Hey, kid! How ya doin'?"

"Are you …are you coming over today, Morgan?"

"Yeah, sure. Why? Do you need us?"

"Er n-no. Was just wondering. See you later." Reid cut the connection. He could visualize Morgan looking strangely at his phone. But even if they came straight over, it would take at least half an hour.

Spencer turned his attention back to the shard of glass in his hand. He noticed that he had been squeezing it in his palm, and blood was welling up between his fingers.

Spencer put the glass against his wrist. He had never noticed before how white his skin was.

"Spence? What are you doing?"

Reid ignored Aaron, and stared at the glass again. So simple. All it took was a quick slice down his arm, and it would all be over….

"Spencer! Open this door!"

….then he would be free, his life would belong to him again, and not to Cross. Although he was dead, he owned Reid. Every waking moment he haunted him, in his sleep, he stalked him. But now, he could be free!

"Open the door now, Spence, or I will kick the door down!"

He placed the shard at his inner elbow.

Hotch smashed through the door into the bathroom.

"Spencer!" Aaron reached out his hands. "What are you doing?"

Reid looked up at him. "I need to do this, Aaron."

He pushed past Aaron, backing away from him.

"Please, Aaron, let me do this. It will free me. I need to do this!"

Aaron took a step towards him. "I may be blind, Spence, but I know what you are trying to do. I won't let you. There are better ways."

Aaron lunged for Reid, blindly trying to grab his arm.

Reid turned to run, to escape down the stairs. But too late. Aaron tried to catch him and held onto his arm. As Reid tried to to twist away, he slipped, and with a cry, pulling Aaron with him, fell sideways down the stairs.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid landed feeling a pain in his side. Carefully feeling down to his waist, he felt the piece of glass embedded in his skin. Very slowly, he turned his head to look for Hotch

"Aaron!" he called softly, "Aaron?"

Hotch was lying close to him. He was very still, Eyes closed, blood on his face from cracking it on the stairs. Reid got shakily to his feet, and knelt next to Hotch. He was breathing, but he was out cold. Reid took his hand in his.

"Aaron. I'm so sorry. Everything I do ends in disaster. Now I've hurt you"

Ignoring the blood running down his side, he held Aarons hand against his cheek and rocking gently, closed his eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live.  
-_Charles Caleb Colton_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Chapter 15

The pain from the cut was making him weak. He really needed to do something to stop the bleeding, but he couldn't leave Hotch.

"Please wake up, Aaron," Reid pushed his hair off his face. He was shaking, knowing that this was all his stupid fault. If he hadn't been so self absorbed, so selfish, Aaron would not have fallen.

He held Aaron's hand to his forehead, rocking, whispering to him, pleading with him to wake up.

"It's ok, Spence. Let Morgan sit with him." Spencer looked up. He had not heard Morgan and Garcia come in.

Reid's eyes were huge, pleading.

"No! Let me stay with him!"

"It's all right, Spence," Garcia said, "Derek is with him."

Morgan was stooping next to Hotch, talking on his mobile.

"…one man down with a head injury, unconscious, another bleeding from an abdominal wound." He gave the address and broke the connection.

Garcia made Spencer sit on the hall floor. Reid was too upset to resist.

"It was m-my fault, Garcia. I p-pulled him down the stairs." He hung his head in misery. "He t-tried to stop me from…uh…"

"Just lay down, Spence." Reid lay down on his side, and allowed Garcia to inspect the wound.

"There is a piece of glass in it." She said. "Just don't move and stay like that until the ambulance gets here."

She looked around, puzzled. There was nothing broken, nothing to indicate where the glass had come from. She felt a surge of sadness as she looked down at Reid.  
"I don't need an ambulance," said Reid, looking up at her.

"Yes you do!" Morgan said. "Just keep quiet and do as you are told!"

Morgan's stern words brought tears to Reid's eyes. "I'm s-so s-sorry."

Garcia ran to the kitchen and got a clean towel. She made a ring with it and held it to Reid's side. It wasn't bleeding so much now.

Reid was looking across to Aaron. "Is he ok?"

"I think he's coming round."

Aaron's eyes were fluttering open. He moved his hands to his face.

"Morgan?"

"I'm here, Hotch!"

"Yes, I know you are! I can see you!" He reached up and touched Derek's face. "I can see you!"

Aaron's face broke into a dazzling smile. He had a cut on his forehead, blood all over his face, and a nice bruise was beginning to show on his cheek.

But to Reid it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

"You can see?" he said, his voice rising in pitch. "You're ok?"

He tried to get up, and Garcia pushed him down again.

"Don't you dare try to move, Spence. You have a nasty wound with glass in it. Stay right where you are."

Reid let himself be pushed back down. He had a happy smile on his face.

Hotch was ok!

He could see!

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid was lying on his side in a hospital cubicle. A three inch length of glass had been removed from his side, and he was now being stitched up by a nurse that wouldn't have looked out of place in a strongest man competition. It wasn't the gentlest stitching up procedure that he had ever experienced, but wryly he reckoned that he deserved it.

Any thoughts of self harm were gone out of his head. He glanced down at his forearms. How close he had been to finishing himself off. Aaron had saved him from that. Even though he was blind, he had stopped him. He felt tears gather in his eyes again.

"Sorry if this is hurting," the nurse said, voice like sandpaper. "Didn't mean to make you cry."

He was puzzled when Spencer Reid laughed.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Aaron's x-ray showed no serious damage, just a cut, which a rather pretty nurse had stitched.

"I'll try not to hurt you." She smiled, holding his hair back off his forehead..

"You go ahead!" Aaron beamed at her. He wondered what Reid's nurse looked like. Probably some little cutie, making him all shy and stammery. His eyes twinkled at the thought. It would be good to actually see him again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Reid was sitting on the bed with his chest bare, a huge dressing on his side. When Hotch walked in un-aided, Spencer leaped off the bed, so excited, he didn't quite know what to do. His newly stitched wound sent a pain through him. He let out a yelp. Aaron put his arm out to steady him, but Reid was too thrilled to notice.

"You're ok? You don't need to stay in?"

Aaron smiled. "No, we're free to go." His smile faded slightly. "Are you all right though? How are you feeling?"

Spencer threw his arms around Aaron, and Aaron pulled Reid close.

"I feel great!" He pulled away and looked into Aaron's eyes. "I'm just so happy you can see!" Reid's face turned serious "Thank you for….well…you know…for stopping me."

Aaron's smile glowed. There wasn't really anything else to say.

They still had a way to go before they were fully recovered from their ordeal, but now they were both going in the right direction together, they would get there.

Aaron passed Spencer his shirt and cardie and helped him into them.

Reid took the watch out of his pocket and strapped it over his cuff. Hotch grinned. It used to annoy him, but now he couldn't understand why. It was just a Reidism, and Aaron had grown to appreciate him, even to find pleasure in those funny little ways!

Something new and special had grown between the two of them. Deeper than friendship, purer than love. Something unbreakable that a lifetime would not erode.

"Come on, Spencer, Morgan and Garcia are waiting for us outside."

Reid tucked his hair behind his ears.

Aaron put his arm round Reid's shoulder, and together they left the hospital into the waiting arms of their friends.


End file.
